I realize that I can't get mad at people when they don't understand. But it's not easy. I wish I was an alcoholic or a dopehead, but instead I was born suicidal. I have thought about killing myself since I was 12, the thoughts have always been there they never go away completely.
Mary and Jackson, you two helped so much. And Dad and Mom, I know you guys tried. You all gave me so much love, and I am very luck, and I love you all so much it hurts right now. It really hurts, but the love doesn't make it go away.
I am so sorry Mary and Jackson. You don't deserve this I really wanted to be a good dad and a good husband. It's all I ever wanted. I just wanted a family. I'm sorry baby. I'm really really sorry. It's not you please remember that. Please remember that you were the best thing that ever came to me. I believe that you came to help me, but I just can't be helped. You were the closest I've ever come to faith. I had faith in you, because you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen or known. You make me believe in things, but I just can't believe in myself. I know though, that Jackson will live and be beautiful. I love you Mary. I love you Dad. I love you Mom. Please only tell Jackson the good things about me. I did have some good. I promise.
I love you All
I'm sorry that
I could not handle
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